pooping after ankle surgery

 "constipation" makes for pretty great Google image search results

Pooping after surgery is NOT something that comes easily. The anesthesia makes you constipated, the meds make you constipated, being totally immobile makes you constipated, and guess what - that stool softener they give you doesn't work for shit. Being that I'm a total health nut, and my digestion is usually pretty regular, I tried to go the natural way. If you're ever in the same boat (from surgery or just from life), here are several tips for some great pooping:

• Chia seeds: Either blend in with a smoothie or pour a few tablespoons into some OJ – great source of fiber, protein, and omega 3′s.
• Psyllium husk: My Godmamma brought this one to me. Take a teaspoon or two of this powder and stir into some OJ or water, but drink it fast because it turns into jell-o texture really fast. It’s basically just an ultra-dose of fiber.
• Massive amounts of water (mind you I could still only let out little bits of pee at a time thanks to the meds, so this option wasn't easy).
• Papaya: It’s so good for settling bellies because it’s filled with proteolytic enzymes which help with digestion. Trader Joes sells a fruit salad made of papaya, pineapple, and mago – I’ve indulged in several of those.
• Probiotics: After surgery I got several courses of antibiotics – probiotics are the antidote to those, restoring all of the good bacteria in your belly. My fav ones are by Dr. Ohhira.
• Calcium Magnesium Citrate: Magnesium itself has muscle relaxing properties and the calcium helps your body to absorb the magnesium. Take 1-2 tablespoons of this milky liquid – I buy mine from Whole Foods.

But hey guess what?! None of that healthy shit worked for me this time around. I was constipated too much for too many days (I think my first real poo happened 6 days post-op - NO BUENO). The first hardcore thing I ended up taking, recommended by my really smart nurse-cousin, was a glycerine suppository (queue Bush) – it looks like a clear ear plug and you stick it up your butt for like 30 minutes until you poop. Gross but it works...kinda. Then to really kick the bull in the balls I took these colon cleanse pills called Oxy-Powder. THEY WORK. A lot. Maybe too much, if ya catch my drift.

Ok...that's all I've gotta say about pooping (for now), bye.