Y'all asked for it! An ankle update: 8 YEARS POST-OP

 Seriously can't believe I'm still updating this site, but you guys are asking for it. I guess folks will just never stop breaking ankles. SO. Here's an update for ya - I hope it gives you what you're looking for. And if not, you know where to find me! 

WELP! HAPPY FUCKING NEW YEAR

What to expect after 3 years!

Ask and you shall receive. Here's my (almost) 3 year update video!!

Let's be done with this already!

Today I went in for my final follow-up. First, i got my hardware back! It's cool and weird...haven't figured out what I'm gonna do with it yet...

Then we looked at my x-rays...below is a before (left) and after (right) the hardware removal:

As you can see, the picture on the left has a plate all the way down the outside of my ankle as well as the one on the back. Since the one on the back wasn't bugging me, and it provided some stability, we left that in, and took the side plate out, as well as the 5 screws associated with it. This whole time I've been saying I had 2 plates and 8 screws, but turns out it was really 9 screws! Oy vey. 

Anyway, next month will mark 1 year from my first surgery. I can't believe what a crazy year it's been - amazing how such a seemingly small thing can have such a gigantic impact. I still have some range of motion to regain - I'm back at yoga and even starting to incorporate some traditional home workouts. I'm not saying goodbye to you guys forever - don't worry - I'll continue to check in. And feel free to keep emailing me with questions!!

Mihal

one week left...

Guys...this time next week my ankle will be virtually hardwareless. I say VIRTUALLY because 1 screw and 1 plate are still staying in (unless right before surgery Dr. Gellman suddenly changes his mind, which I plan to try and influence). Yes, I would like to have it all out, but my doc says that the plate in the back is a stabilizer, and since it's right up against the bone I shouldn't ever feel it. It sucks to have to keep it in, but I'm inclined to believe him because he's awesome.

Here's what my ankle looks like now:

Yeah my legs are a little hairy - it's winter and I have a boyfriend who will sex me regardless - what can I say. 

Anyway, if you'll recall, my ankle/scar didn't always look this awesome. It's been a really long road. And just when I'm starting to get strong in yoga again and not have to ice as obsessively...another set-back is on the (very close) horizon. Don't get me wrong, I'm excited. SO EXCITED. But I'm also a little scared and kinda like FUUUUCK THIIIIIS. Surgery scares me - I mean, I'd imagine it scares everybody - and I'll be less mobile again which sucks. Rehab sucks. It all sucks and I want it over with so badly. 

So that's that. I'll update you next week - stay tuned!

6 months and a little bit...

Well, it's been about 6 months since my ankle surgery. 25 weeks and 3 days to be exact. When I was still bed-ridden and scouring the blogs and forums, I remember many folks said that 6 months post-op is when they began to feel normal. And I think that's key here - BEGAN.

I still don't feel anywhere close to normal, but I don't feel TERRIBLE. Sure, I can walk here, walk there, I can go out to dinner, the theatre, sporting events, whatever. But I'm keenly aware of my ankle every second of every day. Every second. Of every day. When I walk down steps, when I'm at my computer, when I get up to pee in the middle of the night, in meetings, in parking lots, in the shower, when I do yoga, when I don't do yoga, when I think about yoga, when I make dinner, when I make out with J and have to get on my tippy-toes, when I'm grocery shopping and that big cumbersome cart makes better sharp turns than I do...

I'm telling you. ALL. THE FUCKING. TIME.

As this cold weather rolls in, I'm also very aware of how cold my hardware gets. Cold hardware ankle isn't like having cold muscles - it doesn't just warm up by doing stuff anymore...I actually have to heat it up. I've been using a heating pad or hot water bottle, but I'm looking for some type of electric bootie that will do the trick (I don't have a microwave so I'm kind of limited). Saunas are also in my future.

My achilles is sore...pretty much all day every day. Stretching it basically does nothing. My calf is tight from my achilles being tight, and my shin is wound up too. Oh yeah, and my toes...ugh. I'm still seeing my massage therapist Ashley every other week and she helps me a lot. (By the way if you live in or around Portland, OR, you gotta check this chick out.). I've also - oddly - been integrating a lot of ballet moves into my workouts this past week, which makes me think maybe I should try barre3. Believe it or not, I actually used to be a ballerina, so the movements feel kind of natural. Would I be able to keep up in a class? Mostly likely not. Hm, DVD?

This isn't me complaining - but telling you what "beginning to feel normal" at 6 months post-op feels like for me. In my experience, the 6 month mark is more about being able to do normal things. But that isn't enough for me. I want to do awesome things, and feel awesome and look awesome. I still can't wear most of my shoes - all of my heeled/platform shoes are looking at me like C'MON BITCH HURRY UP. I'm trying guys, I'm trying. 

So...that's where I'm at now guys. No pictures or videos for this one - 6 months doesn't deserve it.

hitting the wall of immesurable steps

I feel like I've hit a wall. I've made a lot of progress up until this point - the scooter is gone, the crutches are gone, the boot is gone...I take showers, I do cook and do dishes...I've become basically functional. Basically. And now it's time for the next steps.

The problem is, the next steps are nowhere near as measurable as the first ones. In order to walk fluidly and exercise and do normal people stuff, I have to gain strength, gain flexibility, agility...get all the stuff back that I've lost since the surgery. The progress on this stuff is not easily monitored. So I do my exercises every day, sometimes they make me feel flexible and sometimes they make me feel sore and swollen. That fucking screw is still sticking out of my ankle - perhaps even more so now - and I wonder if all of this hardware is going to have to come out...if I'm going to need ANOTHER surgery...that unknown puts me in a major funk.

I start a job in 2 weeks, am I gonna be able to drive? Am I gonna be able to walk from the parking lot to the building comfortably? How will I know when I can? What level of flexibility and strength and agility is NORMAL? WHAT THE FUCK IS NORMAL???? Am I making progress? WHAT THE FUCK DOES PROGRESS LOOK LIKE? And so on and so forth...

I'm sick of thinking about it, I'm sick of caring - I don't want to think about how bendy my ankle is today, if it's gonna hurt when I step out of bed or do I need to massage it first? I don't want to wonder if my compression sock is actually working or if it's bad that I didn't ice today. I want to think about fun normal people things - like white supremacy in the legal system and overdose and political/religious/economic turmoil and everything that's been in the news recently. IS THAT TOO MUCH TO ASK?? Does my ankle REALLY need to over-shadow that???!!!

In other news, I bought a car I can't drive yet.

But I CAN stand next to it without crutches, so I guess that's a step...

the 2nd opinion

My fall was on a Thursday, and I saw a doctor the following Monday. I crutched into a back room where a woman removed my cast, and saved it on the back counter for later (they do that? It struck me as peculiar). There's no way I'll need surgery, I thought to myself. "I won't need surgery, right?" I posed to J, a question that was mostly rhetorical. He said probably not - the ER doctor said it was a fracture in my fibula and there was no displacement (whateverthefuck that means). The bone doctor eventually came in after having a look at my x-rays. "Well, you definitely need surgery" he said dryly. A little too dryly for my taste.

He listed the risks of not getting the surgery and scared me a lot - arthritis, the bone never healing at all, blah blah. Then he talked about a big nerve they'd be operating around that controlled my outer foot and that "we know where it is and we'll do our best to avoid it." He asked if I had any questions and I did not. I had no thoughts. Oh wait I had one thought: OMG, I'm on Grey's Anatomy.

Fuck you bone doctor. But ok whatever, I'll get your damn surgery. We scheduled it for 3 days later, a Thursday. The assistant then took my old cast, put it back around my leg, and proceeded to affix it back together with ace bandages. MOST PAINFUL. The days with that pieced together piece of shit were the worst of all - no circulation in my leg or foot and it caused major swelling and bruising. I wasn't thrilled with this doctor or his team.

But guess what I didn't know? People in the medical world get second opinions like women buy tampons: ALL THE DAMN TIME. With my family and their friends on board, they hooked me up with this other dude who specializes in ankles and I went in to see him on Wednesday - the day before my surgery with the lame doc. They took off my oppressive Nazi cast and had me do a CT scan which showed that the fracture was way more complicated than the x-ray had shown (thanks for nothing other doctor for not doing that, wtf). These guys knew more, they talked more, and I dropped the other dude like a bad habit - luckily these new folks fit me in for my original surgery date - the next day. My first surgery ever.

the day i broke my ankle

Not a lot is going into this blog. It's a way to keep anybody who cares updated, and also I can hopefully offer some insight into What to Expect When You Break Your Ankle. I broke my ankle on a shitty day in April, 2013 - I tripped getting out of a car, after having just moved to a new city. In retrospect should have started writing this on day 1, but I've had a pretty foggy brain up until this point, so I'll do my best to just play catch up.

 

After the fall (that happened somewhere between the curb and my aunt's car) I ripped my boot off immediately, trembling with the shock of the worst pain I've ever felt in my 29 years on this planet. I got right back into the back seat and tried to elevate, feeling as if every bone in my foot had popped out of place and was now swimming loosely inside my skin. In the ER they gave me ice, an x-ray, and a big shitty cast replete with paper pants (yes they cut my jeans off of me)...oh, and fucking crutches.


I was (am) in the very lucky position to have my boyfriend (with whom I live) and my family nearby, so I wasn't stressing too much about HOW I would actually be taken care of. A far cry from how I imagine I'd have felt given where I'd just moved from - NYC. I was sent home and told to take Tylenol, and they made an appointment with some bone doctor for the following week so my swelling could go down.

My boyfriend, let's call him J, eventually had to cut me out of these wretched paper pants - luckily I had these Old Navy lounge pants that are super wide legged and loose and comfy. I recommend them - they're also cheap.

I basically remember nothing more from this day - except that I really wanted strawberries.