Y'all asked for it! An ankle update: 8 YEARS POST-OP

 Seriously can't believe I'm still updating this site, but you guys are asking for it. I guess folks will just never stop breaking ankles. SO. Here's an update for ya - I hope it gives you what you're looking for. And if not, you know where to find me! 

almost 5 years post-op and still updating

Ok, so for those of you who watched my last video, here's an update.

I ended up going to my chiropractor, who is amazing and I trust a lot - he's gotten me through lots of aches and pains (including a herniated disc in my back), but has never actually done anything with my foot or ankle. He said my heel was locked into a weird position from all the tight muscles around it, and he rolled my ankle around in a bunch of weird ways, and did a little massaging. It felt really scary and vulnerable to have him handling my foot/ankle/leg like that - it kinda freaked me out. As he was rolling it around it felt a little crunchy inside, not quite popping, but like stuff was stuck. Then my heel area gave out a teeny pop.

It felt fine and I left. I iced a little that evening, and the next morning I woke up and the muscles on top of my ankle all the way up my shin were SO TIGHT. But, incidentally, the part of my ankle/foot that hurt originally felt better. The next few days kinda sucked - a lot of tightness - I iced a lot and took ibuprofen, which seemed to help. Then yesterday (5 days after the chiro) I went and got a massage and she helped to relax a lot of the muscles in my calf/achilles/ankle/foot which felt great.

She also reminded me that I knew this kind of injury would be a life-long thing to deal with, and I've had so many back/shoulder problems that I've kind of been negligent. Especially since I've been doing a lot of barre, which is pretty demanding on that area, I should have been getting massages there more regularly.

So that's the lesson, folks. Even when things are feeling good, keep up with whatever it is that makes your ankle loose and feeling good. Because when you start to get too relaxed, your issues will come back and make you hate yourself and feel like shit all over again.

Until next time!
Mihal

WELP! HAPPY FUCKING NEW YEAR

lolz I made another video

What to expect after 3 years!

Ask and you shall receive. Here's my (almost) 3 year update video!!

Recovery After Ankle Surgery

It's been a year since I made THIS video, so I figured I should make a follow-up. Here's how I am one year after walking - and one month & one year after weight-bearing.



I suppose as long as you guys show interest, I'll keep posting - so let me know if there's anything specific you want me to talk about :)

Let's be done with this already!

Today I went in for my final follow-up. First, i got my hardware back! It's cool and weird...haven't figured out what I'm gonna do with it yet...

Then we looked at my x-rays...below is a before (left) and after (right) the hardware removal:

As you can see, the picture on the left has a plate all the way down the outside of my ankle as well as the one on the back. Since the one on the back wasn't bugging me, and it provided some stability, we left that in, and took the side plate out, as well as the 5 screws associated with it. This whole time I've been saying I had 2 plates and 8 screws, but turns out it was really 9 screws! Oy vey. 

Anyway, next month will mark 1 year from my first surgery. I can't believe what a crazy year it's been - amazing how such a seemingly small thing can have such a gigantic impact. I still have some range of motion to regain - I'm back at yoga and even starting to incorporate some traditional home workouts. I'm not saying goodbye to you guys forever - don't worry - I'll continue to check in. And feel free to keep emailing me with questions!!

Mihal

Scar Massage: The Horror/The Brilliance

Let me start by saying: Ashley Mueller is the best massage therapist in Portland, Oregon. Maybe the best in the country...I've tried my fair share. I've been seeing Ashley since a few months after my first surgery - so like, late summer early fall of last year. She's strong, she's intuitive, and she knows a lot about feet/ankles (amongst everything else).

Let me tell you guys - massage is so important to rehabbing your ankle - particularly to getting your scar-skin moving like regular skin again. Scar issue attaches itself to anything it can - it has little legs that grab onto bone, muscle, ligaments...whatever's around it - and it fucking HURTS. It causes major major discomfort and tightness. Unfortunately the only way to break it up is to have somebody as awesome as Ashley massage it out. IT HURTS LIKE HELL. But then it hurts less.

So if you've had your surgery and done your rehab and you still feel tightness or any sort of similar ache, try the scar massage. I'm telling you. And if you're in PDX, tell her I sent you :) [update: she doesn't accept new patients anymore]

Aside from that, things are slowly getting better. I haven't gone back to yoga yet, but the time is coming soon. Maybe next weekend, making it 5 weeks post-op. The holes in my bones are supposed to close up 4-6 weeks post-op, so I think I'm reluctant to push myself too much before that. My foot/ankle is still a little bruised. Also, I had a little sharp thing sticking out of my incision/scar which Ashley said was an un-absorbed suture and that I should pull it out...so I did:

There's another one too, but I can't get it. I have a checkup with the doc in 2 weeks so I may solicit his help. 

mini-breakdown

I had a little breakdown last night. 

See, when you have hardware removal surgery on your ankle - there are a few things you hear over and over: "it's nothing like the last one" and "recovery for this one is really easy" and "you'll be fine." This is great, because it's an encouraging thought that recovery for surgery #2 won't be THE FUCKING FLAMING HELL that surgery #1 was. But it's also not great - because it doesn't actually help you know what to expect going in, and afterward, it makes people forget really quickly that you're in surgery recovery mode.

Of course, I have a really supportive network of friends and family - I'm not blaming anything on them. Hardware removal surgery is deceptive because you are up and walking the first day, you can move your foot (kinda), visually there is way less going on, and you've already done the physical therapy and everything. So your loved ones will be tricked into thinking that everything's cool. But for me - inside - there is still a lot going on! My digestive system is still weird, I feel a little light headed sometimes, my ankle hurts and is bruised and I have very little range of motion...not to mention, I went shopping yesterday and within 10 minutes of being on my feet I was swollen and limping. Oh! And now I have to walk EXTRA carefully because for the next 4-6 weeks I'll have holes in my bones where the screws are and can re-fracture really easily.

In many ways, it's a lot like recovery from the first surgery. I use the same stack of pillows to elevate, the same ice packs with all its timing and wrapping rituals. I'm back to not being able to do yoga which SUCKS. I'm nervous about going back to work tomorrow (I worked from home my first week of recovery) - maybe I should bring some ice packs with me? I have to be back in sneakers after I've been back to real shoes for a few months and loving it. Ugh, that part is terrible.

The hardware removal, though it may be nothing like the first one, is still surgery...and it conjures up a lot of old emotional stuff. I was able to break down last night with my mom and just talk about all of the stuff that's in pain and freaking me out...so I think I'm ok now. Kinda. There may be another breakdown in my future. After surgery #1 I had little breakdowns literally every single day.  I'll keep you guys posted...of course.

ooooh the paranoia

I've gotta say...one of the worst parts about getting surgery is the paranoia that comes with recovery. In my case, the thing I'm most afraid of - now and after the first surgery - is a blood clot. Soooo one begins to Google. 

This is obviously the worst possible thing to do. But here's the rub: with ankle surgery, especially if your foot/ankle/calf is immobilized afterward, you start to get muscle cramps like crazy because you can't contract and release your muscles, which is like their main purpose in life. So here you are with these calf cramps, and then you remember that something in all that post-op literature you got said that's a major symptom of blood clots. So you Google "blood clot symptoms", and start to get anxious when you see the calf cramps you're feeling. You feel the anxiety in your chest...and as you read on, you see that blood clot symptoms are not only cramps in your calf, but tightness in your chest!! And so on...

Anyway, it's scary. I don't have answers, but omg fuck Google for freaking me out ALL THE DAMN TIME. I'm so exhausted  by it. I can't even advise you not to be scared because if it's really a blood clot you should be getting medical attention!! Ugh. So this time around I'm trying to stay away from Google, but it's hard, and I do have cramps in my calf and pains in my chest again...

week 1 checkup

Today is 6 days post-op, so I went back to superhero (Dr.) Gellman for him to take a look at what I've got going on...

I told him that around my incision was really tight, and he said scar tissue has a difficult time recovering, and just to keep moving my ankle and massaging the area. But not too much, because the incision hasn't healed yet.

Then he took off my tape, cleaned it up, and put new tape on which I need to keep on for another 5 days.

The yellow stuff is something he put on there to help the tape stick - it's not the color of my skin, though I do have a little bruising. 

I can take regular showers now! I've been showering with a trash bag on my leg, and my leg basically up in the air because I don't have faith in the trash bag  method. So that's cool. They didn't have my hardware ready to hand me yet, which was not cool. (Fun fact: Gellman said about 95% of his patients ask to keep their hardware). 

I can't really feel a difference yet between my mechanical ankle and this one - probably because I'm not moving this one like a regular ankle yet and there's still some swelling. I go back to the doc in 6 weeks where he'll take x-rays and make sure everything looks how it should. 

Oh, and I'm off pain meds. I was only on them from day of surgery (Thurs) until Saturday...very cool. Now I also have a pill bottle full of hydrocodone which I have no idea what to do with. 

hardware removal recovery day 2

Just a little video check-in...

ankle hardware removal surgery: part 2

Continued from part 1

Waking Up: As if no time had passed, I was waking up in the wake-up room. My throat didn't feel sore at all like last time and I remember asking the nurse if they used the throat tube to help me breathe again. I have no idea how she responded. I also remember telling her that, if she has anything to say about it, I'd really prefer Hydrocodone to Oxycodone - it made me way less sick last time. I don't remember her response to that either. She asked me what my pain level was, I said 4-5. She pumped some drugs into my veins and then it was like a 2-3.

Recovery: Eventually the nurse wheeled me into my recovery room. My dad said he met up with us for the ride, which I don't remember. He asked me how I was feeling and I said: "I feel well," and smiled. And I did! The procedure itself was like 10-15 mins. I was under anesthesia way less time than the first one, and I could definitely feel the difference. I was groggy, but not INCAPACITATED like I was before. I was really cold so they gave me lots of blankets. I also had a feeling in my tummy that either felt really hungry or like I was gonna puke. J bought me a gluten-free muffin from the cafe so I ate that. Then a new nurse found me some gluten-free bread and toasted it. I immediately felt better. My lips were really chapped but, unlike last time, I brought a recovery kit which included chapstick, a huge waterbottle, and arnica (a homeopathic remedy).

The Wound: I didn't get regular stitches as they had planned (which I would have had to keep in for 2 weeks) - they gave me some self-absorbing/dissolving stitches. Then they wrapped it up with some gauze and an ace bandage. 

There you can see some writing on my leg so they knew which one to cut into - better safe than PISS ME THE FUCK OFF. My toes were cold so we made a toe-hat out of my sock, because it wouldn't fit over the bandage.

Peeing: Eventually I had to pee. It was the same kind of crampy feeling as last time - I think that happens when your bladder tries to wake up from the anesthesia. They brought the potty to me like last time, except the one last time was basically a stool. This one was a chair...nay a throne...it had to be documented for you guys :)

Like last time, I couldn't get it all out - and I would continue to pee in incremental stages the rest of the day. 

Home: I went home around 1p - just a few short hours after the surgery. They wheeled me out, I used crutches to get back into the house, plopped into bed to elevate and ice. My mom met us at home because I knew she'd cry if she saw me in a hospital. She then made me some sliced cucumbers with salt (a favorite after last surgery). 

Walking: Right now I'm walking with 2 crutches, but already bearing a little weight. My ankle is sore, but not terrible...like a headache in your foot - kinda tight, kinda sharp, just achy. I'll probably make some walking videos like last time so you can see the progress. 

Drugs: I'm taking Norco, which is a combo of Hydrocodone & Acetaminophen (Tylenol). I don't feel too terrible - the dosage is 1-2 every 4 hours and I've beens ticking with 1.  I took it a few times throughout the night, along with rice cakes to avoid nausea. 

Sleep: I slept with my leg elevated last night, but everything is so much less sore than last time, and now I'm a professional broken ankle position sleeper, so it came a lot easier this time around. Like I mentioned in part 1, I didn't sleep much last night - it felt like the night before school starting. Thankfully I found Jared Leto's instagram page which kept me more than entertained. 

Changing the Dressing: This morning I changed the dressing...here's how it all looked under there...

Not too swollen or bruised. A little bit of dried blood on the gauze but nothing oozy or smelly. I put new gauze on, wrapped it up again, and put my sock toe-hat on.

So that's that!!! I have a massage tomorrow and a follow up with Superhero Gellman on Wednesday morning. I'll certainly keep you updated. 

ankle hardware removal surgery: part 1

I don't even know how to start this post...

I'm really really happy. Last night I was up for like 4 hours, between 1-5am, just feeling happy that I'm finally at the beginning of the end of this thing. SO! HERE WE GO (This is kind of long, so I've broken it into part 1 & 2...even though both parts are long too. I figure if you care, you really care, if you don't, you'll move along):

The Night Before: My sweet papabear came up from Eugene (a town 2 hours away) the night before and we hung out, had veggie burgers, talked. As I do every night I took my vitamins. 5 minutes later I realized HOLY SHIT THE NURSE TOLD ME NOT TO TAKE MY VITAMINS THE NIGHT BEFORE SURGERY. Should I throw them up? Dad said no. We googled "which vitamins to avoid before surgery" - lo and behold, omega 3's were on there, and I took fish oil. "May cause excessive bleeding". Awesome. I called the hospital and spoke to receptionist who supposedly asked the night nurse about it and they gave me a bullshit answer that vitamins are fine as long as I didn't take ginkgo. I called my surgeon's on-call number and spoke to his assistant. She put my mind at ease. But I was still nervous. It made me have to poop, so I did - which is good considering after the first surgery I didn't poop for like a week. 

Game Day: My check in time was 7:45a, with a surgery time of about 9:45a (I was awake at like 6a). I pooped again in the morning - I think my body was preparing for the worst (bodies are SO SMART). My dad and J took me to the hospital, I checked in, put my gown on and got and in bed. Shortly after the nurse came and took my weight, vitals, and health history (shout out to J for being my photog). 

I told each nurse (there were 2) about vitamin incident - they both seemed to think it was fine. I also told some other random guy who brought me some paperwork to sign. 

God: Eventually the Chaplain came in - even though I told the nurse who called me a few days beforehand that it wasn't necessary - and I told them when I checked in. He asked me what kind of name "Mihal Freinquel" was, and when I told him it was Hebrew he became noticeably uncomfortable. 

"Oh...well...I've been to Israel...I know some people there," he tried to assure me...or something.

"Oh really?" I said. "Cool." 

"I wish somebody had told me you were Jewish, I have prayer cards especially for my Jewish patients." 

"Well, I'm actually non-practicing, so no worries," I said, trying to set the obviously squirmy man of God at ease. 

"Well you know," he went on, "most people in Israel are actually not religious...it's really just the Hassidic people who are." 

I feigned interest in the bullshit that just came out of his mouth. He eventually thanked me for letting him come talk to me, wished me well, and practically ran out of the room - far away from the awkward Jewish girl with no soul. 

The IV and Dr. Gellman: Right when the nurse began to put the IV in, myleastfavoritepartIhateneedlesohmygod, Dr. Gellman - my superhero surgeon - walked in. As promised, I checked with him one more time to make sure he didn't wanna take the plate in the back out. He said "I'm sure you're sure that you don't want me to." That shut me up. Ugh, I love him. Then he started going over how to change the dressings on the wound, how to take care of it, etc. It was sweet because he was clearly trying to distract me from the needle going into my arm, however, all I could think about was the needle so I heard nothing he said. Whatever. Thankfully my pops caught it. 

Anesthesia/The Operation: Gellman left and the anesthesiologist - who was probably 12 years old - came in. I told him about the vitamins. He said no big whoop. Then they rolled me to the OR. Dad and J kissed me on the forehead and I didn't cry this time. Last time I was unconscious by the time I got to the OR. This time I was a little loopy, but fully aware. I switched beds myself and breathed into that face mask you see on TV. Before I was put under, I asked the staff in there if they watched Grey's Anatomy. One guy said he'd seen 2 episodes. The gal said she prefers House. And the other guy said he likes Scrubs because it's the most realistic. They all said I'd have no recollection of that conversation when I woke up from surgery. FALSE. 

on to part 2...

one week left...

Guys...this time next week my ankle will be virtually hardwareless. I say VIRTUALLY because 1 screw and 1 plate are still staying in (unless right before surgery Dr. Gellman suddenly changes his mind, which I plan to try and influence). Yes, I would like to have it all out, but my doc says that the plate in the back is a stabilizer, and since it's right up against the bone I shouldn't ever feel it. It sucks to have to keep it in, but I'm inclined to believe him because he's awesome.

Here's what my ankle looks like now:

Yeah my legs are a little hairy - it's winter and I have a boyfriend who will sex me regardless - what can I say. 

Anyway, if you'll recall, my ankle/scar didn't always look this awesome. It's been a really long road. And just when I'm starting to get strong in yoga again and not have to ice as obsessively...another set-back is on the (very close) horizon. Don't get me wrong, I'm excited. SO EXCITED. But I'm also a little scared and kinda like FUUUUCK THIIIIIS. Surgery scares me - I mean, I'd imagine it scares everybody - and I'll be less mobile again which sucks. Rehab sucks. It all sucks and I want it over with so badly. 

So that's that. I'll update you next week - stay tuned!

SAVE THE DATE!

JANUARY 30TH, 2014: 

HARDWARE REMOVAL SURGERY!

the nuts and bolts of it

I went to the doc today to discuss my hardware removal!!!! Like, thank you for existing but ok get the fuck out now.

So anyway, apparently it's a super easy recovery. Doc says I'll be able to walk out of the hospital same day, and should just bring one crutch for soreness. I have to keep it dry for a week because of stitches, and have to elevate and ice for swelling which won't be nearly as bad as the first time, especially because I can put weight on it and it won't be immobilized. So, eager as hell, we set the date for Jan 16th. But then I got to work and my manager mentioned that that time would be really busy and asked me to postpone 2 weeks. Sigh. I called the doc to reschedule but they haven't called me back yet. Now I'm antsy.

I JUST WANT IT OUT. Even though I'm super afraid of surgery. But I seriously can't think about all the damn hardware anymore. Can I please move on with my life for chrissake? Thank you. Amen.

The Broken Ankle Diaries: 8 Months Post-Op

Here are just a few of the emails I mentioned - some are complete, some are just snippets of longer ones:

Broken ankle person #1:

I had ankle surgery 6 weeks and 2 days ago on my lower fibula (one metal plate and five screws) after falling while penny skateboarding. I just wanted to thank you for sharing your experience and being so honest (including the challenges of peeing post-op). Living in a college dorm with no elevator really sucks, but reading your posts helps me realize I'm not alone. I relate to every one of your posts, and find hope when I want to break down and cry like a baby because my friends want to go do something fun and can't understand why I don't "want" to go. Truly, only people who have been on crutches understand the daily struggles (and perhaps our boyfriends who have been there every step of the way).  Good luck with your ankle and I look forward to reading more about the rest of your recovery!

 

Broken ankle person #2:

I broke my tibia down by the ankle and did not have surgery...its been 8 weeks.
I have no pain anymore unless I massage my foot deeply, the dr said I can put weight on the foot w the boot on...actually inside I am walking w crutches and no boot, just w socks on....still no pain. I even tried one crutch only and no boot today and it was slow going but fine/no pain
I am swollen  still and very stiff....but I think I am doing well considering I did not have the surgery. Did you go to rehab??? Or did you do all your rehab at home? Watching your video made me feel so not alone...the crutches are whats driving me crazy...

 

Broken ankle person #3:

Thanks so much for your blog.  I'm approaching three weeks post surgery on a fracture of both bones in my leg just above my ankle and I'm reading anything I can to stay anywhere near centered about what this is like. I normally travel a lot for work so I'm used to new places and new people and new things ALL THE TIME.  Now I'm non weight bearing for six weeks, then working back to walking after that and it's rough. The narcotics and bowels, check.  Sleeping in unnatural positions, check. Altering my diet because I'm a sloth now, check.  Me, the big strong man breaking into tears of depression because I hadn't left the house in more than a week, check. At least with your story I know I'm something closer to normal than I feel. Total?  Three fractures, two plates, 15 screws and two surgical incisions. The bright side is that I actually can work from home...

 

Broken ankle person #4:

Mother-fING shittiest injury of ALL TIME.

Your blog:  I laugh, I cringe, I laugh some more. 

Substitute your J for my two young children and their Dad...and the rest is exactly the same.  One exception, I believe I went off on an indignant verbal tirade on the nurses after my surgery while I was still under anesthesia that probably was not actually working between my brain and body.

Two children with heads like great big melons doesn't compare to the misery of the broken ankle.

FIRST YOGA CLASS

Today - at nearly 7 months post-ankle surgery - I finally mustered up the guts to take my first yoga class. If you're a regular reader here, you know I've got a pretty consistent yoga practice at home, and have been working at it since as soon as I had the energy post-op (see here, here, here and here). However, I've been too scared to go to an actual class...with people...and teachers...and actual flows.

Going today was a combination of feeling ready, being really sick of my home practice, and feeling kind of stuck with where my body recovery is overall. I went to Seth Hutton's class at Yoga Pearl - he's fucking amazing and his class was PERFECT. I approached him before class and told him it was my first time back - he smiled and said he'd keep an eye on me for adjustments.

So, the class: first of all the room was heated but not boiling, so my ankle and leg muscles got nice and loose. Well, loose-ish...as loose as one could hope for. Second, his pacing was amazing - his focus for the day was slow and intentional rather than rigorous. Yes there were certain things I couldn't do - some because I lost strength and flexibility after surgery, and some stuff was just beyond where I was before the ankle break. (For example in downward dog, my left heel can touch the floor but my right is still about an inch off). I was perfectly challenged. I thanked Seth for the class afterward and he said he had his eyes on me but didn't think I needed to be adjusted - definitely a confidence boost.

After a green juice and some icing (my achilles has really been bugging me lately), I feel great. I will definitely be going back. Weeeee!!!

Take away: Ankle breakers, do everything you can to stay loose and strong. If you're bed-ridden, stretch in bed. If you're just beginning to walk, try my yoga videos or swim or get on a recumbent bike. The longer you stay inactive the more challenging it will be to get active again - I promise it's worth it. If you want more in-depth advice on how to do that, don't hesitate to reach out.

chelsea boot girl

In July - right around my 3 month post-op mark - Cat Footwear was kind enough to send me a pair of boots. These boots were gorgeous. Deep brown leather, flawless stitching, tough but femme...PULL-ON CHELSEA BOOTS.

What I mean by this is, chelsea boots have no zippers, no laces - you pull them on and you pull them off. Mind you, I had just started walking at that point (sans boot or crutches). I was still in sneakers every day. Like a good girl, I waited a few weeks to try them on, but eventually I grew tired of waiting and had to GET THOSE BEAUTIES ON MY FEET. So...

Left foot: In. Easy breezy.
Right foot: In! Cool. Whew.
Can I walk in them? Hm, yes I can (though at that point they rubbed against my sensitive ankle screw like crazy. Ok better take them off now.
Left foot: Out. Easy.
Right foot: HOLY SHIT MOTHER FUCKER I CAN'T GET THIS THING OFF. I was stuck, like a Chinese finger trap. My foot wasn't flexible enough to pull out yet and it hurt like hell. Obviously the only way out was to pull hard and shimmy, so that's what I did and eventually got out, but it wasn't pleasant and I felt sorry for myself.

So, fast-forward to this past week (about 3 months later), I decided to try those beautiful bitches on again. Both feet slid in easily, and - since I had to know right away what I would be in for should I decide to wear them that day - both feet came right out!!!!!!!!!!! Aaaaand here they are...

Thank you to Cat Footwear, you made me happy in more ways than just gorgeous footwear. :)