sad leg, sad mihal

You'd think that having my leg out of the cast would have made me feel happy, but being able to see my ankle and foot - swollen, discolored, and completely unable to move - made me really really sad.

 (that's a big toeless sock the doc gave me when he took my stitches out, I kept it on a few days before trying to put on a real one - which J had to do for me)

I almost couldn't speak about my ankle or how I was doing without breaking into tears. I thought about how much time I had before I could even start to try walking (8 weeks post-op), I thought about yoga and joints and how incredible they are, I looked outside at the playground across the street and envied the little kids as they played. I couldn't move my ankle, I could hardly wiggle my toes, I felt sorry for myself...and I still slept on my back. But a week later I took off the white sticky things and was allowed to start taking showers!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Look at my cute little scar starting to form (the rest of that bloody-looking mess is a scab). Yes, taking showers DOES mean shaving my legs - which I did do...you're welcome. My mom hooked me up with this shower chair for old folk...

 

...and my dear J put it together for me without the back, because I really just wanted a stool. I'll tell ya, that's the best shower I ever did take. 

Mood swings continued (and keep continuing) to come and go - oscillating between feeling totally pathetic and kind of okay - I've certainly seen more tears since the accident than I have in the last few years combined. Within a few days of showering, I tried sleeping on my side - using pillows to prop my feet and legs up in various places. Though I continued to wake up several times a night, I found sleeping on my side to be a nearly orgasmic sensation. I also bought this book Mind Over Medicine by Lissa Rankin with the hopes of thinking myself better. We'll see...