Physical therapy stirs up a lot for me - physically and mentally. The massaging and icing feel great - while the stretches and exercises are excruciating. In my gym-rat days I was a "pusher" - always challenging myself to spin faster, lift more, hold it longer. I was in incredible shape, but this mindset eventually led to a hip and back injury that kept me out of the gym for about 2 years, and the pain still plagues me. About a year ago, I fell deeply in love with yoga - where intuition reigns supreme, and I feel like my body and I are in a partnership, rather than in competition. Ironically, I'm in even better shape and have found a way to ease my pain...and my mind.
Physical therapy confuses me (and scares me) because it feels more like the gym than yoga - I have to push hard, do things that feel uncomfortable and wrong - in some ways not listening to what my body wants at all. Everything is unnatural, and watching my ankle (not) move is depressing. I sweat the same amount during 6 minutes on the recumbent bike as I used to during an hour of high-intensity spinning. I feel hyper-aware of the hardware inside my body (did the doc pour cement in there too????! WTF) and feel like I need a major oil lube, Tinman style.
I'm trying to find the yoga in PT - the quiet mind, breathing, and trusting my body to heal - but goddamnshitmotherfucker IT'S HARD.
I've tried to stay active doing upper body workouts like rowing (1 foot), hand bike, hand spin bike (not easy), and strength training class geared for me- (I love my Y). I'm a triathlete, a slow overweight triathlete who can't wait to get back into it.
ReplyDeleteI love reading your spinning update! So true!